If Only
by KenobiTheKid
Summary: Shortly after Siri Tachi left Obi-Wan at the Room of the Thousand Fountains (Legacy of the Jedi), he and his master, Qui-Gon Jinn took on a mission to a planet, lightyears away from Coruscant and Siri to take his mind off of their break-up. Obi-Wan's (sort of POV) final goodbye to Siri. Lyrics borrowed from The Calling's "If Only".


Days after his talk with his own master and Yoda, Obi-Wan agreed to accept a new mission from the council, much to the surprise of Qui-Gon. The older jedi tried to probe into his not-so-young apprentice's thoughts and feelings only to find it empty. Somehow, he finds it admirable of the young adult to easily let go of his temporary love-sick phase, but Qui-Gon knew better. Months ago, he was in the same phase, and he almost lost himself in the dark side looking for revenge.

Qui-Gon sighed and crossed his arms as he watched his apprentice meditate. He wanted to help Obi-Wan so bad, but he knows that he can only do so much. The rest was up to the young man. A few minutes passed, and Qui-Gon decided to retire to the cockpit of the ship and do his own meditation.

* * *

Mastering the art of looking placid, Obi-Wan kept a blank face as he pretended to meditate. He can feel the uneasiness of his master who was watching him, and he was wishing to the Force that it will stop. He was grateful to have an understanding master, but right at that very moment he wanted to be alone. As soon as he sensed his master go, Obi-Wan let out a long sigh and breathed in air slowly.

His emotions and the turmoil inside his heart did not change after a few weeks of confronting Yoda and Qui-Gon. His heart did a painful twitch at the thought of Siri—the girl he knew he will love forever. Obi-Wan opened his eyes slowly and pressed his lips together trying not to let the damned tears form in his eyes. _"This is too hard."_ He thought as he resigned from his meditation position and simply sat on the cabin floor.

Obi-Wan lazily slammed his back against the cold steel and rested his head against it. His brows furrowed as he felt his heart and stomach churn. He knew he made the right decision, but somehow the feeling of emptiness made him think twice. Obi-Wan pressed both of his palms against closed eyes making him see odd patterns behind his eyelids. _"Kenobi. Stop. She has already let go of you…and whatever it is that you had." _

He stayed that way for a few minutes and after a while, he found himself staring at the window with the stars flying as they travelled in hyperspace. _"I feel empty."_ He thought. Not trusting his heart, he took out his datapad and opened a blank message screen. _"Just…one more goodbye, Siri. I promise."_ Obi-Wan stared at the screen for a good while, as if to test if he can endure it. He swallowed hard as his fingertips touched the screen and let his own heart do the typing.

Siri,

I know I promised not to talk about it again…and to forget everything that has happened in our last mission together, but please let me say my final farewell to you.

As what you already know, this is not easy for me to let go…but I must because you asked me to. I have never been so happy to feel what I felt back in the damned ship, and I couldn't be happier when we survived the crash. My feelings for you were true, not because we are in the verge of dying but because I realized that I have loved you since Force knows when. You have taught me something valuable. I learned how to live for someone not just because it is my duty, but because it was the noblest thing to do.

_[Tell me old fiction tell me old lies  
Say to me now you'll never forget this night  
I'm feeling emotionless my head's so clear  
My enemy's aren't the ones I fear_

_You know your kiss confuses this troubling soul  
And I found out that we're all broken hearts  
That we're all broken hearts_

_If only love could find us all  
If only hearts didn't have to fall  
We can mislead to make things right  
So instead we'll sleep alone tonight]_

I know, and you know that the path I should tread on is the Jedi's. It is deeply ingrained in my heart that I was born to serve and protect the galaxy. But what if your name and your whole being is also part of my heart? Is it fair of you to ask me to forget? To throw away all the memories that we shared to the vast expanse of the universe? Please, don't ask me to do that, because I can't. I'm not going to ask you to try and cherish our memories, because that is up to you. But for me, you are asking the impossible.

As I try to forget you, I get weaker every time I do so. This leaves me to do one thing—to hold on to your memory. I am not expecting to have a second chance with you, but I believe that you would want me to live. And for me to be able to it, then let me remember you. We have been prepared to do sacrifices, and you were one of those that I had to let go. Physically I have let go of you, but here in my heart you will remain. If I have to fight to live, then I know that I will always win because you're in it. Siri, you are worth fighting for.

_[You are thinking I'm crazy  
But you're blushing of lust  
I've got little nice things  
But tell me which ones I'm to trust_

_The walls are made of glass  
And they have been known to crack  
But until then…  
You keep pushing my way  
I keep pushing you away]_

Hoping that you will never see me again broke me, but we both know that it is the only way to go if we have to keep treading this damned Jedi path. I terribly miss you, Siri…and I will miss you more each day. It was appalling to have met you in this situation, because I know and feel that we could have been something.

For now, we say our goodbyes forever.

_[Well if you want to take a chance  
And try to make things right  
You better have a reason to be loved  
We all want something more  
And it is worth fighting for]_

We may not have ended up the way we wanted it to be now, but I hope and pray that after this lifetime we will meet again and that you'll be mine forever.

Goodbye, Siri. You will always…always be loved.

~Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi

As soon as he was done typing, Obi-Wan purposefully dropped his datapad on the floor and buried his face on the crook of his arm. He cried silently as he pulled all of his shields together. He has finally said his goodbye. A few standard minutes passed and a red blinking light came to life. Obi-Wan knew that they were coming out of hyperspace, and it was his master's subtle way of telling his apprentice that it is time to pull himself together again.

As soon as they were in real time, he picked up his datapad and stared at the message he wrote. As the planet for their next mission came into view, Obi-Wan threw away all of his hesitation and pressed the button to send his message.

Obi-Wan and Siri were officially over.

* * *

In Coruscant, a blonde haired female padawan sat on one of the benches at the main plaza looking absent-mindedly at the stars above her. Her eyes were bloodshot from excessive crying as she stared across space wondering where her friend went. At that time, she knew well that it isn't her business anymore, but her heart tells her otherwise. Her attention went from the stars to the advertising plasma screen on a tall building. It caught her attention since it wasn't flashy compared to the others…and the color of the texts were of a familiar shade of blue. It took her a moment and a few cycles of the texts for her to realize that she was reading a poem…a poem penned by a being named 'Ben'.

Before she could even point out to herself that the poem was for her, her datapad beeped breaking her thoughts.

It was a message from Obi-Wan.

Siri Tachi's face paled, and the next second she wanted to throw her datapad on the fountain behind her. But instead, she kept her grip firm on her device and stared at the sender's name. Fresh tears formed in her eyes as she hesitated to open Obi-Wan's message.

As Siri read her friend's note, the poem kept on flashing before her. As she finished reading his message, Siri looked up at the plasma board and caught the last part of the poem…and the name of the poet.

_"…And if somehow fate were in my hands  
Would it be enough to understand  
Why we feel lost in a world so small  
If only love could find us all._

_-Ben"_

"Ben." Siri murmured to herself and bit her lips. She hugged her datapad and closed her eyes letting all of her tears flow freely, allowing herself to get lost in emotions.

They have finally said their goodbyes.

* * *

**A/N** - To make things more interesting, my face-claim for Siri Tachi is Hayden Panettiere. :) If I get to write another fanfic for the two (this time a pre-ROTS or a Crossover) I'd be using Charlize Therton next as the grown up Siri. :D They do look good together, don't they?! Maaaaan. Feeeeeels! 3

Please R&R! :)


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